Diary Continued (Four Years Later)
June Something, 2002
Hey there,
A lot has happened since I wrote last.
I had a baby. We call him Skye ( which is actually short for Skywalker , so if you were to abbreviate it correctly it would be Sky'e' or Sky, and SKYE rearranged spells KEYS). We had gone to a pregnancy specialist and they tested Joseph's "little guys" and they were fine. The next step would have involved me taking some kind of barium e-ray to make sure that my tubes were okay. I really decided that I couldn't handle that so I prayed very hard. And then, of course, took the appropriate "actions" in the physical world. And then suddenly I was pregnant.
My grandmother died just a couple of weeks before I found out that I was pregnant. So, I gained a new member of my family just as I lost a member. It was sad that Virginia, my grand-mother, never got to meet Skye. Or my grand-fathers or my dad.
And there was the bombing of the buildings on the east coast of our country. It seems like is has rewritten the consciousness of the world in a way. And now it feels like a whole new landscape. Maybe I was not politicized enough to see it and it has always been this way, cultural memes seeking to violently eradicate the dissimilar.
I went to a high school reunion right after it happened and I was talking to an old friend. I asked him if the September 11th events had effected him, he lives in Northern California. He said, "No, not really". I couldn't believe it. I asked him if the talk of threats of bombing of the west coast bridges had had some impact on him and he said yes, very definitely. I felt the distance between us loom uncomfortably. I know that I didn't loose any family members or people who I knew directly in the bombings but what I did loose, what we all lost, was huge. It seems like the whole planet was effected. Especially since the whole taking sides thing was the result. It is like learning about the bomb all over again. I remember when I was growing up I never forgot about how serious a threat nuclear weaponry might be. And then somehow as I grew up I was able to put it to the back of my mind and think those days are behind us. The world is smarter than that now.
And what about pluralism, how can a country possibly incorporate people whose direct mission may be destruction. It is so hard to be a pacifist is someone is trying to kill you. I really don't know what I believe anymore. I just know that I feel like a different person now in the aftermath.
Maybe part of that is having had a child. It makes you feel" in the world" in a whole new way. I really do feel like an adult now. Finally.
Hmm, what else. The house that we live in had major flooding right after the baby was born and then in February of this year we had a fire in the Mermaid Bathroom. (We call it that because Joseph's mother was kind enough to paint a beautiful mermaid and child on the walls - which were happily was spared from the fire). So, we have been trying to take care of the repairs. I have lost touch with a few friends during this time because everything has been so hectic and my life has been so busy.
Bryan did come to live here and he has stayed here. And all is well.
Joseph got to be in his company's float for the Rose Parade. He really enjoyed it.
Recently I wrote a friend that I hadn't talked to since high school because I realized how much I missed him. It is weird how some people can make an impression on you that lasts all your life. I suppose that is what imprinting is all about.
I am still thinking about pursuing a degree beyond my MA in Art. I am very interested in the research on dreams that they have been doing at Stanford. Kripner, Vaughn, LaBerge. So if I could do anything that I wanted, I would go there and pursue that and MFA in Psychology. I think that I would like to find a new profession that is more helpful to people. I really love doing art and I will always continue to do it somehow but at a certain point it seems self-indulgent. I think that doing something that is involved with helping people communicate better with others and themselves would be more rewarding in its helpfulness and therefore as well be more satisfying.
Well, that is all for today. I still have a lot of things to do like painting the walls and doing laundry. So goodbye until later.Best regards, Victoria
