You were the first and I wanted you,
But I was young and powerless to keep you.
You whispered to me in my dreams .
You were lovely and kind, slim with brown-hair
and I gave you my favorite name .
I can’t bring the moment back, my final decision,
pressed on me but still in that final moment my own.
I wonder if your father, ever thinks of you like I do,
sometimes weeping the loss of someone so dearly precious,
or were you just a story casually related over dinner.
Michael, I still and will always love you.
I asked you to come back someday, if you could.
Have you? Are you here with me now?
Are you still inside me,
Are you watching from a cloud,
Are you weaving fate together
to finally be born to a better mother
I hope so.
You were the family I always wanted.
I know you better through my son now,
and it makes me grieve for you more,
and love you more as the years bring me closer to you.
I hope to speak with you again, if only to say,
Please, please forgive me, even though I know
that Cronos can never be forgiven.
Victoria Vaughn-Perling, Copyright © October 3/4 2005